i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
