Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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