Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
