He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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