He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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