He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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