she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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