If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
