and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Randomize
