i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
