3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
3 2 1 whiskey
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
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