we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
