Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
