i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
