Can Purell be used as lube?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
