dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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