wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
