Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
