I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
