Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
