I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
