dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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