if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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