Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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