so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
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