Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
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