Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
