It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
