sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i think i just naturally attract stoners
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
