Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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