just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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