Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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