Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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