They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
