I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
