tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
