Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
