did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
