Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Randomize
