And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
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