Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
