does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
