angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
