I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
