update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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