what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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