I can tuck mytits in my pants
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
