you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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