We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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