I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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