Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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