She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
