I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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