i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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