With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
