I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
