Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
