I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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