I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
