3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
There's always time for handjobs
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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