I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
there is glitter all over my balls
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
