I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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