oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize