if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize