At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
