Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize