dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
