People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
