shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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